The shoe kinda fits, but the entangled laces
make the finished product trip. A promising homage to the black and white
cinema that turned into a 90-minute pandemonium. The movie is a lose-lose
situation for the mainstream Adam Sandler fans and the American indie audience.
Cool musical score, though.
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 3 (Shawn Levy): ★★★☆☆
The least inspired chapter but still a decent
farewell to the franchise and two of its actors who recently passed away. Despite
the lack of adventure and eye-popping visuals that made the two predecessors
enjoyable to watch, nostalgia still kicked into me. The last act was like Toy
Story 3 all over again for a guy like me who grew up with the series and Robin
William’s uplifting films.
TAKEN 3 (Olivier Megaton): ★½☆☆☆
It’s heartbreaking to see Liam Neeson crash and
burn in this mayhem of a sequel that made me remember the headaches I had while
watching Halle Berry’s Catwoman because of its horrible editing. Super zoom,
super double, super out-of-the-blue cuts, super fast camerawork, resulting to a
super migraine that might take you to the hospital afterwards.
Sometimes, suave goes a long way for a con film.
It makes you like dubious acts, care for hideous people and enjoy a movie full
of glaring plot holes. Man, I love that Will Smith is back as a sly leading man
but don’t count Margot Robbie out because see can match the Fresh Prince’s
charm. The soundtrack made the film so fly, you’d want to hang-out with these
guys.
SPONGE OUT OF WATER (Paul Tibbitt):
Stay for about 30 minutes of a typical Spongebob
episode and you’ll have one of your most surreal movie-going experiences ever.
It’s not trying to be as mushy as the first film but it showed how bizarre the cartoon
can be with its random moments and psychedelic images. The trailers and clips
slightly spoiled the last act but the middle part is its nauseating epitome. There’s
a lot of movie references and jaw-dropping 3D effects that made the film as
addictive as a Krabby Patty. A good family time where the adults will enjoy
more than the kids... if they’re into Spongebob. Watch it in 3D at your own
psychological risk.
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (Sam Taylor-Johnson):
Relationships 101 for the feeble-minded,
hopeless-romantic and sex-disoriented individuals. The film is a satirical
battle of the sexes where one thinks that she can control the opposite sex.
Seeing women crave for this one-dimensional, pathetic character, who has to be
rich and handsome in order to get their affection, will make you laugh and
worry at the same time.
There’s a lot to complain about
this plotless movie more than what’s written in their make-believe contract. I
won’t elaborate all but come on! For f*ck’s sake, the guy is a known
billionaire and there’s no TMZ lurking around. Nothing in it feels authentic
and enticing. It’s like Twilight, where a normal girl captivates a dangerous
but overdramatic and handsome guy, mixed with a crappy hentai plot. He says
that he doesn’t do romance but he likes holding hands, breakfast in bed,
helicopter dates, meet the parents dates and all other romantic shit.
You have plenty of options than this,
please. Casino Royale has more ropes, 12 Years a Slave has more whips,
Sharknado is more realistic and Secretary is far more arousing that this snooze
fest. What can only make this film worse is if Christian Grey does tentacle
porn.
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if you enjoyed the mini reviews. Thanks for reading!
