From the makers of Shake, Rattle and Roll but doesn't feel like one.
Haunted Mansion is juggling between two
genres. Most of the time, it’s a typical Wattpad episode where a weird teenage
girl gets bullied by cheerleaders and has crappy love triangle problems with
her crush and her childhood friend. Sometimes, or when they feel like using
their special effects, everything turns into a spook house. There’s no sense of
danger within these characters up until the last 20 minutes of the movie. They
wasted a lot of time introducing these lame people for their short, forgettable
deaths. They didn’t even use Janice de Belen’s overacting skills. She’s just
there. Scolding, and eventually died without her trademark scream.
There's also a lot of dumb shit to
accept while watching this. How can a catholic school permit their students to stay
in a creepy mansion infested with urban legends? Why did the priest allow this?
Why did they not inform the parents of its location? And if the parents have
been informed, why did they let their rich kids go to a dirty and terrifying
mansion? Why are they talking closely to the people that they’re gossiping
about? Why did the guardians choose to
let them stay for one more day rather than punish them at school? Why didn’t
the ghost just fight the other ghost instead of pointing like a living exhibit
in Night at the Museum? Why didn’t Adrian know about Ella’s spiritual shit when
they’ve been friends for life? What the heck is with that ending?
It’s sad seeing this film go to waste because
there's a lot of things to commend about it. The cinematography, lighting, production
design and special effects were great. There are some locations that will look
good in Devil May Cry, like the living room with a weird statue and the hallway
with the swaying curtains. The flood looked great. The moving camera made the
film unique from other Pinoy horror films. The flashbacks were also nicely
done. It’s like Jun Lana and the team are doing the best they can from a crappy
screenplay. However, I felt that there is an anti-Marcos message behind it.
Take note that they shot it in the late president’s mansion in Cabuyao, Laguna.
Also, the ghost cuts its victims' tongue to silence them from the truth. The
message is there, but only a few will get it because they were bothered by the annoying
clichés and ridiculous plot holes surrounding it.
I liked Sharlene San Pedro (Faye) but none among the cast was above mediocre. Maybe it’s because of their one-note characters. As for Janella Salvador (Ella), who they’re claiming to be a
tough competitor in the Best Actress category, let the photos judge how she was
so versatile in this movie.
Haunted Mansion terrorizes our money
with another clichéd, teen angst horror crap. It’s very disappointing to
watch because of its high production values and anti-dictatorship undertone.
ESTOFADONG DILA NG BAKA!
★★☆☆☆
Thanks for reading and have a merry
movie Christmas!
